| We set off on the tour and a bloke called Nigel from High Wycombe sat next to me with his massive camera. It reminded me of the one Steve Read carried during the last months of his life and I operated briefly in December 2010 for the first meeting of Vicky and Bermuda Betty then more during the six ships we had (including those two) in January 2011. An American in front told us off for talking, bloody cow! If she couldn't hear him all she had to do was ask him to increase the volume since it was pretty low and even we couldn't. Our first stop was Teguise, and everyone noted everywhere bar the flipping church were shut. "It's Saturday," they whined, "and it's past 10am so should be open." It was cold despite the warm arrival. |
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Well we knew we had too much free time of twenty-five minutes but that didn't stop Americans being late back and getting a lecture from the guide. The latest was the one sat next to the American moaner, who turned up fifteen minutes late. The moaner incidentally, DIDN'T ask for him to increase the volume then proceeded to yak herself to her friend! Next was a shop stop at what I assume is El Palmeral de Dulce (that's what the board said anyway) and not the Haria viewpoint advertised. Well here we had a wine sample and too much free time to shop! I discovered they had their versions of sticks of rock, except they're not mint, a bit chewy and don't have Lanzarote written through them. I also bought some crisps but surely €1 was overpriced? |
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| The next thrilling stop was another shop - wow! Two in a row. They're really spoiling us! Here we got a boring lecture on the aloe vera plant in Orzola so I went to the benches and waited since I can't stand so long looking at a ruddy plant and I wasn't interested anyway. There was also more wine sample and a chance to buy things. Royal Caribbean's stickers unusually had an X on. I thought they were Celebrity to begin with! One of their tour I spoke to hadn't noticed. |
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| Now we had some excitement on this boring tour - an old Scottish bloke was getting off the coach and promptly threw up! Yes, the plague was travelling in a TUI bus! It absolutely freaked out an old American whose daughter tried hard to placate. She was all for throwing him off the bus and leaving him there while demanding they got another for the rest of us. The man looked very ill but surely would have known he wasn't well before he left the ship. Very irresponsible really. And so onto our final stop via the scenic route - another bloody shop! It was also Manrique’s Jardin de Cactus where, you've guessed it, had more wine sample then buy stuff. We had a ridiculous fifty minutes here. I stayed on the bus, as did a few other people (mostly old!). Lucky too, since the blurb failed to mention the vast steps down to the bloody thing. Meanwhile plague man and his wife disappeared into a waiting taxi and were taken back to the ship, where we eventually followed. |
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| Appropriate name for that tour since anything interesting must have been hidden under the volcanic ash! Shuttle or stay in bed next time. No wonder it's nicknamed Lanzagrotty. Anyway, because the port bastards had put a barricade between the two ships and our gangway was next to it, I went in. I noticed still people weren't using the hand sanitiser, even with that bloke on the bus being sick, and it was only partially enforced by the security guard. I followed one couple into Kings Court so I could grab apples and they failed to use it there either. I can only say it's a good thing the crew were serving so idiots like them touched no tongs. I ordered the club sandwich from room service. I know it said egg but I thought boiled and sliced. I hadn't expected fried! I considered asking for just fried egg next time. Well they are P&O in Cunard colours and they're missing several tricks. Fried egg sarnies and those mushy peas in the Golden Lion are just crying out to be pea fritters! My poor tongue was numb with being stabbed mercilessly over twelve hours by my broken tooth, making it very difficult to eat and drink, so, out of sheer desperation, I filed it down with my emery board. It worked so remember that if it happens to you! Popped to the Golden Lion and a cleaner called Mars was sanitising everything empty. He would be going home during the refit to see his four year old and baby but be back when the ship was back in service as a Hamilton Tart, so not much family time but he was really looking forward to seeing them all. Went up for Adventure's 4pm departure and she left ten minutes early, then we blasted to each other as her bridge neared ours while they waved a giant hand. It was great! |
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| Our sailaway was 6pm and the Captain announced his deputy would again be taking us out 'for practice', but wouldn't be using the pods because it's not allowed, or something. Well it would be interesting because he had to pull the bow in and go forward. Quite a lot of blasting but not as much as Gran Canaria. |
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It was semi-formal and I couldn't be bothered to change again and no one stopped me eating in the Britannia in my sundress so what is the sodding point of taking extra poshing up clobber???? Before dinner, it was the usual Golden Lion and I was chatting to a couple who love Celebrity Constellation too! She's their favourite ship and prefer Celebrity to Cunard. After dinner I went to my first show - woo! It was half the Four Hands & A Piano, which Helena raved about after their first show and half David Copperfield. Well the first half was good and they have a lot of talent but I wouldn't bother seeing them again. David Copperfield was hilarious as usual, even though most was the act I'd seen five years before. It's all in the performance and delivery and he was having such a great time with the audience, he over-ran. It was the last show for both acts, David flying from Lisbon to Athens to join Vicky. Golden Lion afterwards then bed and I was starting to get stomach pains but thankfully it was just wind, probably from too many apples a day! After being surrounded on my deck by plague victims then that bloke on the coach, I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd got it too but may be lucky - touch wood. Lazy day as we tootled towards Lisbon and I didn't get up until the Captain did his noon announcement. Since cabins were still being done, I put the sign on the door then went walkabout to give the Golden Lion time to empty and me to get hungry. I remembered they have a bridge viewing area and as I was going in, the security officer, Glenn Cairns, came through the bridge door. While it's nice watching them on there (it's not open in ports so you can't watch the Captain take you out), he has a point about security. They have a few port plaques dotted along the walls and I couldn't help notice one from the European Cruise Service saying M/V Queen Mary 2! No idea when it was presented but clearly a premonition. I was only able to get a blurry picture because it was fairly dark and flash was banned. |
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| Lunch in the Golden Lion and tables weren't being wiped because people refuse to wait the five minutes it takes for the disinfectant to work. I sat with a couple who told me the person who had been there before me had just recovered from the norovirus. It's determined to get me! They also told me people were removing the cleaning notices on the tables in Kings Court and sitting down. As I was there, we saw a couple arrive, a table wiped and dried for them then they decided to sit at another which also had to be cleaned. I thought Cunard passengers were meant to have more common sense and better manners than a load of impatient chavs. Clearly not. Afterwards, I tried to find out in the photo gallery where to dispose of used batteries, since P&O have a bin in their equivalent. The girl gave some garbled reply about somewhere near Sir Samuels which was no help, either time I asked. In the logo shop I saw the brollies were half price. Glen the manager was in and said to bring my receipt down and they'd refund the difference, which they did. The Observation Deck was annoyingly shut when Lizzie's had been open in far worse weather and I saw them bagging up bedding from the cabin nearest Staircase A on deck 11. I asked a cleaner how many cases there had been and he had no idea. When I told him there were many on my deck, he thought I was on 5 and when I said 6, he gave a knowing look. So down to the Prom deck and we were rocking and rolling quite a bit. |
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Since the World Club booze up had been postponed until Vigo, it was the Golden Lion before dinner. Around the table we debated whether the Captain had actually been ill, hence pre-sailaway mistakes and his deputy taking us out twice. It didn't have to be norovirus, because there were also a lot of sneezy people about, and we came to the conclusion he was. I met Judith outside the theatre for the show, Crazy in Love. Well the costumes were good! The blurb read: "'Crazy in Love' highlights, with satirical humour, the eternal dilemma between men and women, the nitty gritty of life and the sparkle of romance. Featuring cameo scenes from the beginning of the relationship cycle, through comedy, heartbreak, reconciliation, absurdity and fun. 'Crazy in Love' is a show for anyone who ever fell in love - or is planning to!" Well, it was nothing of the sort, just a mish mash of various songs and dancing, not even in any chronological order to highlight periods during romance, had no comedy whatsoever and should be done under the Trades Description Act, or, from the 1st December, the Bermudan equivalent. What the hell was it meant to be since there was no flipping story? Interesing though they had those head mic things and also hand mics. Why both??? I said goodnight to Judith (who hadn't enjoyed it either) then went to the Golden Lion. Maureen and George came in later and sat with me and we had another good laugh. George tells really awful jokes. Then it was time for bed. Because I wasn't doing anything in Lisbon, I ordered room service for 9am. I had planned to be on deck for our arrival to get us going under the bridge both ways at different angles, but it was flipping dark because we were early so I reset the alarm for 8.30am and went back to sleep. What a fabbo view I had from my porthole - not! |
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There was another crew drill, this time only for those doing In Port Manning. I wandered around the ship, getting rooms I hadn't seen, and chatted to the Maitre D' from the Queens Grill briefly before he had to head off. He had come over from Princess cruises and was enjoying it. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed by the Grills and they weren't anything I'd pay extra money for. The Queens Grill lounge was small compared with the number of passengers, you get one piddly deck at the stern when there's plenty of space all over the ship, and the decor in both are interchangable, like the Vistas. On Lizzie the restaurants were different colours and not bland. Why can't they be like that again? What actually makes them special and worth the extra cost? |
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