Aurora - Fjords & Iceland Cruise Review

Aurora - Fjords & Iceland

I returned to the cabin, had a shower and then a lie down, watching Fawlty Towers on the telly. Occasionally there would be something good on these loops! But tell me how come the shampoo I bought smelt different to the one I'd run out of when it's the same brand???? When I felt a bit better, I headed up to the Cyb@study only for Christian to say the log in page wasn't coming up but had worked before I got there. I joked it was my fault. In the end, since I was the only one left, I told him I'd try again later then headed for the lift. Before it arrived, Christian dashed out and told me to go back because it was working again. I said it was me! Juanita's tour hadn't returned by dinner, a huge queue to board on the dockside. Below are the photos she took of the gorgeous Aurora - she's brainwashed no matter what she says!

Dinner was casual and during it, we cast off, setting sail for our first Norwegian port of Ålesund. We were given five coconut sweets for after dinner, Cedric grumbling when Beth took the pink one so I asked Savio to bring him a plateful, which he did and all the waiters around were laughing at our table's antics.

We went to the 70s quiz in Champions and won the sex toy - yay!!!! Almost didn't because we got 14 points to the other teams' 15 until Juanita noticed one of our answers had been marked wrong so Stacey gave us a prize each since she clearly didn't have a tie-break. The woman on the other team was thrilled since her mother's a serious quizzer and claimed she'd never win anything. We won't tell it was a draw! The funny thing was, she only did it because Brian and Val egged her on. There was a fantastic cloud formation across the mountains while we were answering questions.

Since I'd heard rehearsals for the awful Abba show in November and skipped it then, I did the same while Juanita went. Instead I popped out to get some of those mountain only to find some ways to Deck 13 closed and when I got there eventually via the Orangery, it was bloody freezing and very windy! Someone didn't warn us about that.

Morning had broken and we were now onto UK time since we were zooming over the British Isles on the 19th towards the land which rains more than we do! It was a little bumpy which was nice but what the hell was I doing awake at the ungodly hour of 9.30am??? We lost an hour so I should be up later surely. Juanita had disappeared, probably freezing on deck for breakkie again. Sod that! I watched the telly for a while, catching the P&O heritage presentation from just before Canberra, which I was still watching when Juanita returned. There were too many mistakes while Canberra's Falkland's legacy glossed over! She's their most famous ship EVER so they shouldn't be disrespectful. But it got worse when it restarted on its loop because they were goofing from the off. I had to turn it off.

I went to the Emporium then had a phone call from Mike asking where I was so I told him, sat outside the Medina on Deck 7. He turned up in his coat, having been around the Prom deck thinking I was out there. Not bloody likely until it warmed up a bit! So I popped to the Playhouse to see Marge and Cedric before their rehearsal began. Cedric told me a story (when didn't he???) and said he would tell the others at dinner so I wasn't to say anything, to which I agreed. He said he'd gone to the Curzon the night before and sat next to this woman who recognised him, saying, "You're from that noisy table, aren't you?" Brilliant! "Noisy", missus? We're having FUN because we're not part of the nearly dead brigade! She must have had fun at least once in her life, or perhaps not since she resents anyone else having any. Sour-faced trout. I hoped Cedric would recognise face ache again so we could have more laughs just to piss her off. I then went to the Sidewalk for breakfast.

Friends on Facebook insisted it wasn't, but isn't breakfast the first meal of the day? Doesn't say it has to be cereal or boiled eggs. As it turned out this was the worst meal I'd had from there. The fries hadn't been drained (wish they use proper chips than this American crap which are much healthier!) and the cheese was..... Well your guess is as good as mine! During my struggle with the horrible food, the wind tunnel door was groaning. Back to the Playhouse where I caught the end of the rehearsal and had been given a new song with moves for the men! Contrary to the noon announcement we had rough seas. I had a sinus headache so felt sick, which was really frustrating. The guest speaker at 2pm in the Curzon was at least someone I'd heard of - Chris Ellison from The Bill. I'd told Graham Cole on Twitter at the start of the cruise he'd be on but hadn't expected to wait until it was nearly over! He'd only boarded in Reykjavik apparently. Graham had asked me to say hello if I got the chance. Chris was outside the Curzon signing autographs and having photos taken when Mike and I got out so we went over. I passed on Graham's message and he gave me one back then after two aborted attempts with Mike trying to take a photo of me with Chris, I asked someone else to do it since no one had all day and I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd walked off.

Mike invited me to have a drink with him in the Crows Nest so I said okay but had to pop to the cabin first, where I found Juanita having a nap. Well she will get up at stupid o'clock for breakfast! She came with me where we stayed until just before 4pm when we had to leave to meet some people. It was a relief to get out of that floating mortuary since the nearly dead were too busy knitting, reading or sleeping to crack a smile and disapproved of anyone actually TALKING. We'd planned to see Breakfast at Tiffany's in the Playhouse but that particular showing finished at almost dinner and it was bloody formal night again so we watched the rest of Rupert and James Murdoch being grilled. The headache was making me feel more queasy so I popped along to the Emporium to buy some herbal seasickness pills to see if they helped then lay down for as long as I could before changing. Marge and I ordered the Cherries Jubilee for dessert only the flame wasn't allowed to burn long enough to remove the alcohol before the vanilla ice cream was plonked on the top, melting instantly. She swapped with Cedric while I left mine.

Juanita and I then went to the atrium for the formal photo before I popped up to the Cyb@study. Captain Pembridge, Natalie Milverton and some other crew got in because they were heading to the Gold Portunus do in the Crows Nest for second sitting. The fact P&O are more 'Them and Us' with their loyalty club than Cunard makes me laugh. We lowly Rubys aren't good enough for cheap plonk and a vol-au-vent which tastes of cardboard. Royal Caribbean and Celebrity know how to have a loyalty club party! I had a better time laughing with Christian anyway and would rather do that than be surrounded by nearly deads. It was Great British Pub Night in Champions but Juanita decided to go and catch the film in the Playhouse instead. I'd only been to one of these on Oriana but it was a lot of fun so I imagined it wouldn't be that different nearly four years later. Gavin and Suzanne hosted it and while some things were exactly the same, others weren't. For instance, this one had a quiz in about three parts with bonus points being given all over the place. I joined Mike, Dave, his wife, Sue and Phil and Mike, who was getting on my wick at times when I was trying to write down the answers or discuss with the others but they enjoyed me hitting him to shut him up. Sue, meanwhile, won a prize for beating another five people tongue-twisting when they were the only ones standing after bingo ticket numbers were called. Dave got a spot prize just for his laugh during The Laughing Policeman. We have no idea how many points we scored in the quiz because the nearly deads marking our paper pissed off halfway through, clearly because they knew they were doing crap, so gave it to another nearly dead who was partially deaf and couldn't read without his glasses! I asked Suzanne if she'd take a photo of us and she loved how I was trying to throttle Mike after he attempted his bunny ears behind my head again. I then said my goodnights about 12.20am because it was an early start in the morning.

Juanita was still awake when I got back and told me she decided she wouldn't bother with the film after all so I filled her in on what she'd missed.

Morning and Norway beckoned as well as the first ships of the cruise - woo! There had been others on my list but they were either docked in a different part or I couldn't see them at sea due to the weather or our schedule being buggered up. We were originally Ankerplast but that was changed to docking in Flatholmen 4, away from Ryndam and Marina - grrr! Our timings were also different. From 8am-11.59pm to 8am-6pm then 9am-11.59pm! Ryndam would be leaving at 5pm while Marina 10pm. I had discovered where each berth was before we were given Flatholmen 4 so had no idea now if I'd see them at all. My friend Howard Paulman had texted to say Ryndam and Marina were behind us - woo!

Since this was clearly not a matter to hurry, I went to the Orangery for another healthy breakfast then sat outside watching our stalkers. Ryndam was nearest but Marina came into view the opposite side but we were still some way ahead of them.

Oh the glamour of our location! If it wasn't for the dock it would be a pleasant place to stay. I think I prefer Ankerplast even though some of the dock workers enjoyed our visit! Up to the observation deck to look out for Ryndam after popping up to the Orangery to fill my pockets with some fruit and the damn weather was spitting despite the Deputy Captain saying it would be dry. They really must stop getting the weather from the Twat Office then they may be accurate at least once on this trip.

Juanita and I went to the dock for our Island Discovery tour and it was raining - ugh! We were directed to the bus and the escort seemed reluctant to take the tickets, like she didn't know what to do. No one had given us a map either so Juanita had to ask for them. The earlier tour was doing everything in reverse order, beginning at the lighthouse. Our first stop was Aksla, the viewing point. The Norwegian Coastguard was doing an exercise while I got to see Ryndam and Marina. It was a shame Aurora was hidden.

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